A few things that I have quickly learned in my short time as a Toronto driver,

A list by Joshua Douglas Pogue.  

1)       First off, Cabbies really are dicks. If you’re talking to someone who hates cabbies and you think their hate may be unjustified it probably isn’t. Well assuming they just don’t hate them because they aren’t white. But cabbies will cut you off, block intersections, and hold up traffic for their sole benefit.

2)      A nice car, anyone who drives a really nice car, is probably a dick, and is going to drive like a dick. They also drive much like cabbies. The only difference being the cabbie drives the way he does only to maximize his profit, the dick in the nice car drives like a cabbie, just because he is a dick.

3)      Vans, vans are like the fat kid on the school yard; they get teased and pushed around by the faster sportier kids. Vans you can usually trust to actually follow the rules of the road, but they are likely going to drive 10km under the speed limit. Oh, I should point out this only includes mini-vans, any sort of big white van, meant for deliveries or like a plumbers van is going to drive like a dick.

4)      Those signs that say “you can only turn right between so and so time” are entirely for tourist, as far as I’ve noticed no one seems to give a shit about those in any real regard.

5)      Street car tracks. Stay away from those things; it’s like driving on metal ice that’s been coated in 15 years of grease, gas and oil.

6)      When a street says no parking, and you don’t have a parking pass, man you better not park. In just a week or so, I amassed enough tickets to cover legal street parking for a year.

7)      Not letting people in is super satisfying. If you see someone cutting around corners and blasting in front of people only to get stuck behind a car, whizzing by them as they frantically try and squeeze out of their self created asshole predicament can be extremely satisfying.

8)      Don’t bother honking or flipping anyone off, it’s not going to get through to anyone, all they are going to do is flip and honk back, and if you’re super lucky get out of their car to yell at you.

9)      Downtown garages are crooks, if you need something done go back home to get it done.

10)   The more duct tape on your car, the less people are going to fuck with you.