The four reasons as to why I like Eastern Europeans.

The number one reason as to why I like Eastern Europeans is their diet, based on my previous experience of eating at touristy restaurants in the main part of the largest European Capitals and dinning at novelty schnitzel joints in the GTA, I can safely say that every Eastern European meal involves, two different varieties of sausage, some form of honey glazed ham thinly sliced, sour kraut, perogies, dumplings, green beans, sour cream and paprika. I’m fairly certain that paprika is completely flavourless; sometimes I put it in things that it should never be in, like pink lemonade just to see if anyone notices. So far no one has ever realized that I’ve been spiking food and drinks with paprika which leads me to the final conclusion that it is a placebo spice that in all fairness is still a pretty colour.

Reason the second, Eastern Europeans are tough as shit, there does not exist a translative word for peace in Bulgarian, Hungarian, Serbian, Czech, Polish or Ukrainian. If Eastern Europeans aren’t kicking Greeks and Romans out of their business they’re getting picked on by asshole Russians who had nothing better to do then devise a government system that will never work and then force it on all the counties  they are jealous of because their sea access isn’t frozen 10 months of the year.

 The third, Eastern Europeans really like to smoke, it’s not because they smoke that I think they are cool, it’s that they smoke like 3 packs a day, babies are born with a pack of pall malls but everyone still lives to be 110, because there just too tough for Cancer.

The Fourth, Eastern European Women are babes and readily available on the Internet.